By Neha Khakar
Brampton, April 29 (CINEWS): Don’t let the title fool you into thinking this is a piece written by a child psychologist. It is written by a tween, a 12-year-old girl going on 13.
She’s an avid reader, can spend hours writing stories, poems and is curious about the world about her.
To her parents credit, they’ve given her the permission to be creative. “I don’t want to force her to become a doctor or engineer like so many other parents, she is free to become whatever she wants to be,” said Purvi Khakar her mother.
“You may think you’ve given your children everything they’ve ever asked you for, yet you don’t share with them a substantial bond because you haven’t truly communicated well.
For that you must spend lots of time with them, that way they become more comfortable around you if they aren’t already. Let them know they can trust you and count on you to be a parent and a friend. You can do this by having casual conversations with them when you are alone together. You can pick any topic, a simple one could simply be you asking your child how was their day. If you have to begin the conversations, that’s completely fine. Once you start talking to your child more, the conversations you share will naturally occur.
If your child comes to you for help or advice, remember that you are not only a parent, but a friend. Before giving your child advice, let them get it out of their system, they may just want someone to listen to their problems. During the times your child is in need of help, there is only one remedy for them-love. Comfort your child, tell them you are always there for them, and that you are never going to leave their side. This will also give them the inspiration to come to you for anything they need.
Notice your child’s body language, which is a huge way of communicating. For instance, if your child shows signs of despondency or misery, this will prepare you for what you can expect. Wait for them to open up, however, you may have to ask them about their feeling a few times initially for them to be assured they can trust you enough to tell you about their feelings. After doing this a few times, they may feel more comfortable to come to you themselves. This shows you they trust you, count on you, and are comfortable with you.
If your child has done something that disappoints or upsets you, don’t be so harsh because that will be the last time they will approach you with a problem. In any case your reaction will make them feel worse about the situation. Talk this issue out with your child in a relaxed manner to understand why your child did that particular thing that angered you. Remember that being a gentle parent in such cases will not only make your child feel closer to you, but will also influence them to tell the truth in many situations if your reaction will be warm and forgiving.
Make sure you keep the things your child want you to keep to yourself secrets. The reason why your child may have told you this is because they may feel embarrassed, angered, or felt like others won’t be accepting. It’s absolutely
magnificent that your child will come to you to share something important to them with you. You’ll just be breaking their trust and the promises you made to them if you don’t keep their private matters to yourself. This will also make them feel ashamed, especially in front of others. They will be more likely to keep things to themselves in the future, which will ruin much of the communication between you as well.
Communicating with your child can be terribly grueling at times since you may not be used to their generation or the way they think. However, in the end when you have someone who feels like they can tell you anything, it’s worth it.
Neha Khakhar is a 12 year old student who studies at a Brampton school.