Pankaj Kapoor is a registered social worker (RSW) with masters in social work degree (MSW) from the University of Windsor. Pankaj currently works for the children’s aid society in Guelph. In a recent interview with Can-India, Pankaj spoke at length about the issues faced by children, especially in immigrant homes. We spoke about the challenges immigrants face when it comes to disciplining children as they themselves struggle with multiple challenges of making ends meet and fitting into a new society. Too many parents still use spanking as the first or last resort when it comes to disciplining a difficult child. Here is where Pankaj urges caution.
“Parents often feel unsure about how to handle their child’s behaviour and may consider spanking their children at times. But it isn’t an effective form of discipline. Spanking can lead to anger and resentment and can cause children to lose trust in their parents. Spanking teaches that hitting others is okay. In the long run, spanking makes children’s behaviour worse. Research shows that spanking teaches your child to solve problems with aggression. Most parents feel angry when they spank and it makes a parent feel temporarily righteous, back in control, or vindicated. It may give a parent the sense that he did not allow himself to be victimized. Spankings are perceived by a child to be random acts of violence. Over time, they create a wedge of fear and resentment between child and parent. The more time a child spends with his mind shut down by the fear response that physical attack brings, the more reactive his behavior becomes.
So, though spanking may result in a quieter, more cautious child for a few hours, that apparent peace has a high price. A child’s sense of safety, and with it, his ability to reason, to cooperate, to learn, and to trust are all eroded with every spanking—so is a child’s openness to love from his parent.Most forms of physical punishment are considered crimes in Canada and the provinces and territories also have laws to protect children.All children need is guidance to help learn self-control. Positive discipline techniques teaches children skills, raises their self-esteem and strengthens parent child bond.
Children need safe, stable and nurturing relationships with their parents.
Here are some tips to guide your child’s behavior in a positive way:
-Calm down before you act
-Listen to your child’s point of view
-Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your doctor or a child and family service agencies
-Create a loving and respectful home and BE a good role model
-Tell your child what you expect
-Praise your child’s efforts, even if they’re not perfect
-Respect your child’s needs to grow and explore
-Watch your child closely so that you can redirect behaviour before it gets worse
-Ignore your child’s minor misbehaviour – CINEWS