How do you let go of a relationship when things aren’t working out?

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Letting go of someone, be it because of death or because things aren’t working out is a tough thing to do. But if you are in a toxic or abusive relationship and are sticking it out because you fear the idea of being alone, then letting go becomes tougher.

Even though it might seem like being alone and lonely is far worse, in actuality, staying in a relationship that destroys your peace and brings you heartache is far worse.

Abusive or toxic relationships make you question your judgement and they affect your self esteem and corrode your confidence over time. Also staying in a relationship that brings you pain is not healthy. Even so, it can be tough to let go. Many a times you decide to stay back thinking about all the time you have invested in the relationship, worried about what those close to you will say and if there are children involved then how breaking up and letting go will affect them.

Despite all, if a relationship is not healthy and brings only pain to you and/or your partner then letting go is the right thing to do. For those who are finding this difficult, here are a few reminders:

It’s not on you

Many a times, you buy into the trope that you have to take responsibility for your partner and help them evolve into better beings. But no, it is not your job to fix or repair what’s broken in your partner. The minimum respect they can show their partner is to put their best version forward for their partners.

Redefine forgiveness

All too often you find it easier to give your partner more chances because you think it’s better to forgive and move on. You do need to forgive, but not your partner but yourself. Many a times, it is harder to forgive oneself and you end up staying in a toxic relationship as punishment for making the wrong choice. Accept that you were wrong about your partner and forgive yourself for falling for him/her. Forgive yourself and then work on moving out of the relationship.

Love yourself

Sometimes a relationship absorbs you so much you forget who you are outside of it. Simply because of it, you are afraid of letting go. Start by practicing self-love. Get in touch with yourself and engage in activities that bring joy to you. Once you reconnect with yourself, it becomes easier to get perspective and cut off an unhealthy relationship.

Cut off

Once you break it off, make sure it’s a clean cut off with zero contact. Don’t stay in touch, don’t attempt to be friends or acquaintances. An unhealthy or unhappy relationship requires a clean break and complete out of sight, so you can put it out of your mind and move on.

Get professional help If you find yourself circling the same reasons for not breaking up and letting go even though you know the relationship is over then it means cutting it off is not easy for you. See a therapist or a relationship counsellor and get the help needed to help you let go.

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